cant stop thinking, overpowering
gotta focus gotta focus but cant stop focusing on u
distracted, melted, experience
why are feelings so hard to read, express, not have
i dont like this yet i do
dont you hate the feeling of being wanted yet fearing that exact want.
why is it so hard to built ur life and one little tumble brings u to the bottom?? why are faults more damaging, more significant than success?? its not fair to do so well then have everything tumbling before u .
its really hard to focus on school . I cant stop wondering whats going on in my other life. its not only full of work, school, family, friends…
I feel like its so easy to talk to u yet its so hard. every word said/written comes back at me and waiting for ur words stabs at whatever thoughts i had previously. makes me wonder if these words should not have been said, is the timing wrong, am i suddenly of not importance? do u not know what words to express as well? I dont make sense yet i do but it doesnt matter cuz it only matters that i clear this out. i dont know how to behave in a normative way cuz im built to hibernate, hermit, push everyone away. Call it a defense mechanism if u must but its a way to cope and stay safe, or so i thought. Its the exact opposite because in order to succeed one must be …….. s..o..c…i…a…l
Being a stubborn fighter like myself adjusting to this „, “normal” thing is like being reborn. Its like the world has ended, all that protective wall has been destroyed slowly and painfully. its still in the middle of an ongoing battle. me vs me. The part that so desperately wants to let go and be free~ The other who warns me that its unsafe out there, that ive got everything i need here , continue to hide and be unnoticed. cram away in the dark corner , be good and never change. lately the other part has been fighting hard, can it be the end of this war once and for all? does it all depend on you? will u set me free? all this is nice but can i handle it ? these mixed emotions, these thoughts, the want, its not obsession„, its „, like
i think i .. but first i need to like myself
who will win in the end … i wanna give u guys names. the part can be called … you and the other can be called… me . i dunno who im rooting for