I am happy.
But I know what’ll make me happier
Here’s a to do list.

- drivers license
- smart serve
- CPR/ first aid certificate

I am no longer going to complain.
Staying quiet, never letting anyone know my true self/ feelings.

That’ll be good. To not have a care in the world. If others believe it, I’ll start to believe it. And thinking positively gets you positive results. U choose to feel what you feel so be smart. lol. :)

Therefore I am so happy. I don’t have a care in the world. :)

I’m so frustrated. Why are ppl so dumb ??
Be rational, how does one expect to get free service for something worth over $100 ?? That’s ridiculous. Threatening to ‘bring business down’ by using social network + video cuz of that?? Ppl will just find you cheap and retarded. Don’t take advantage of ppl who are kind to u.. cuz that’s just absurd. Bringing ur bf to ‘scare’ us into giving you that free service is illegal man.. swearing, yelling and making a huge scene gets you nowhere. You would be looking at verbal abuse charges. Harassing and defaming charges. And a big fat RUDE written on ur foreheads, permanently in my mind. Have you ever thought of why all the other places said no? Cuz no one in their right mind would do that!! What makes you think u can get that here !!?? Y u bothering us ?? U beep. :( . Now to copy, paste and print. I should give this to her. I swear if I was there…

How dare they do that to my mom
hOW DARE ThEY
I swear if I didn’t have work I’d come and beat the shit outta them with my words.

I don’t really swear or call ppl names buh sometimes ppl are so urksome that I wanna yell at the top of my lungs, “YOU STUPID FATASS CHEAP UGLY PIECE OF SHITTY BITCH ” and “WHaT KINDA SHItTY JACKASS MaN ARE YOU??” ur so not manly. If my boyfriend yelled And swore at a woman like that ( no matter how mad I am ) I would tell him that his not defending me or making me proud. Ur Frighin being rude to the woman and I’m gonna dump ur asswipe ass. If u were doing that to a man that was harassing me I’d appreciate it buh seriously to a kind woman someone like my mom… Helllll noooo. I don’t have a boyfriend but if I was acting like that bitch and my boyfriend acted like a bitch, I wouldda dump him even if he was trying to defend me. I’d be like hell no this is my battle u man stay outta it . Go fight a man. But if I were her I prolly would never ever do that to anyone !!! Ask for free service ? Free labour?? Free ??? It’s not like ur asking for a simple free thing but something that will take frigging hours to do and possibly cuz arthritis ?? U fucking kidding me ??? U go tell ur mom to do that. Would u like it if ur mom was attacked with swear words and crap from someone who is frigging a student ??? NO . Your just trying to take advantage of my mom cuz shes so nice :( . She always gives u discount and this is what u do?? No tip no thanks no apology. Bitch U need to be re educated. Learn etiquette and manners. And dump ur boyfriend he is an ass. I wish I couldda been there to make u both feel ashamed of urselves. U are in the wrong and u know that cuz no one else wanted to do it for free so u came to my mom. You Fuckig piece of shit.

Seriously I’m the type who doesn’t wear or call ppl names cuz I think something bad is gonna happen if I do. But ppl are just so mean. They are making me so bitter and mean like them. Why can’t ppl treat ppl the way they would want to be treated ?? I always think about that when I’m mad at someone. I think, that person is making me mad but she is a mother to someone, a sister to someone, a daughter to someone, a friend to someone, a lover to someone. I know everyone has friends and stuff so ppl must be nice or else they wouldn’t have friends. I bet ppl are nice with good personalities with the ppl they know and love.

Even though I’m really mad right now and hurt and sad for my mom. I wouldn’t actually want that girls mother to go through this cuz she didn’t even do anything. I just wish that girl will learn some manners and think before she talks. To be reasonable and logical and not try and cheat her way into getting what she wants for cheap or free. If you want to do something to ur hair that will cost hundreds of dollars then be prepared to pay up or else don’t do it at all. Would you go to the dentist and fix hundreds of dollars worth on ur teeth and not pay?? No ! You have to pay for the service cuz that’s life. Also u better not do anything public that can bring business down cuz u were wrong and u need to stop being spoiled and get over it. If you can’t afford to do ur hair or something then forget about it and move on or save money. Don’t try and rob other ppl cuz that’s what you tried to do.

Stop trying to come back.
I like being positive, not worrying and having faith. I like the feeling that everything will turn out alright, that in the end it’ll all be satisfying. But the old me is creeping it’s way in through the cracks of my walls that I’ve built to protect me from me. Push it away and cement the cracks. I’ve been stressed out from work and school and financial stuff but I’ve been getting better. After going to church and learning new things I’ve been feeling a lot better. More confidence, less worried. More progressive. I stopped crying long ago but today… I’ve had a rush of thoughts from the past.. MAyb I should stop watching sad stuff like the movies I watched- that’s prolly y the old me is trying to cry it’s way out. So pathetic lmao.

Writing here is a bad sign… It means im starting to complain again. I’ve stopped complaining cuz I hate complaining so hopefully the next time I use tumblr, , , there would be a different motive. Not to ‘relieve’ stress but to just share happy stuff. I feel like deleting this but I can’t. Anyways I’m feeling so much better already ! Now i just need to lock it by sending . Haha

NoteToSelf: I refuse to go back to the old me,uhear.

Waking up early is annoying.
The heat is so annoying.
Classes are more annoying.
Exams are very annoying. Assignments are the king of annoyance.
Buh let’s look at the bright side!! It’ll all be over soon

” Have faith in the Lord, surrender all. So that you will find joy in your trials.” -

How does one surrender all?

I wanna time travel

Second guessing urself isnt good

I was happy that one day. I was so happy I thought it would fill me up with so much positivity that would last me for the rest of my life.

The next day everything comes tumbling down.

Almost as if it were just a nice, fairy tale with a hint of reality. It’s as if that one day was suppose to make me stronger for the canon ball hardships that’ll come my way. Surprising that day is what’s keeping me going. It worked. I’m not fallen permanently although I feel like I’ve been splattered to the pavement.

I don’t know if I have anymore strength to let it out by crying. Not telling ppl my problems is helping me with my sense of self image but it’s deteriorating my sanity. If it an equal trade? Keeping in my negative jinxed aura to myself , to grow, harden, and eat me alive? It makes it easier to contact my friends that’s for sure. I don’t want anymore ppl dear to me to leave- physically, mentally, emotionally, secretly. The slight happiness I get from them when I’m with them .. Might become an addiction .
Running to them isn’t the right thing to do. I should only be running to God. Is that my lesson I must learn?

What must I learn to be free from myself?

Endless, restless.

I’m so confused - I ask myself .. Am I dreaming or is it reality? I’m starting to not remember my actual dreams from sleep.. So reality seems to be much clearer.. But I’m not liking it. Is it weird to want to wonder whether ur dreaming or not? I feel like I’m ‘blind’ not
Literally but of my surroundings, my many blessings. Why can’t I count my endless blessings instead of my endless misery ..

If my mind could be a separate being that follows me.. I think it would constantly scold me, saying, ” WTF are u doing man? ” it would grab my head and bash it to the wall. It would take a knife and scream, ” I hate your guts, u made me - ur making me do this. DIE DIE DIE “